What is presence?

Presence is:

Our Inner Nature

Creativity

Love

Joy

Awareness

Intuition

Freedom

Intelligence

Acceptance

Non-judgement

Understanding

Compassion

Relaxation

Clarity

Playfulness

Truth

Wisdom

Silence

Growing Up

Resting in Oneself

In The Moment

Emptiness

Meditation

Wholeness

What is presence? What does it mean to be present for oneself and for another person? What awareness components contain the therapeutic process based on awareness? How can we develop our presence so that our presence and intuition becomes a source of healing in the contact with another person? How can we be in contact with the Whole?

Working with people is basically a question of energy and awareness.

Part of the therapist’s ability comes from technical skills and part comes from the inner being. The first part of this book is about discovering our inner being, to develop a meditative presence and quality. It is about developing our own presence so that our presence and intuition becomes a source of love, joy, acceptance, awareness, healing, silence, wisdom and creativity in the contact with a client. The meditative presence aims at helping the therapist to increase the joy, depth and effectiveness in the healing and therapeutic work.

This book is designed to create an understanding for how healing happens in therapeutic work. The underlying theme of the book is meditation – but not meditation as a static technique – but as the capacity to BE with ourselves and with another person in a quality of watchful awareness, acceptance and relaxation.

The most important therapeutic capacity is the ability to be present with an open heart and to be grounded in our inner being, in our essence and authentic self, in the meditative quality within, through which we can meet another person. It is to meet that which is already perfect within a person.

Working with people from awareness is about shifting dimension from a personality oriented way of working to a being oriented way of working. It is about shifting focus from the personality, the psychological “I” to the inner being, the authentic self, the meditative quality within, the inner silence and emptiness, the capacity to surrender to life.

The basic awareness component in working with people from awareness is to develop a presence and an inner quality to work from. Presence means to be grounded in our being, in our essence and authentic self. Presence is to work from a meditative presence, from the inner “yes”-quality, from a state of non-doing. Presence is to be in the moment, in the here and now.

Presence is about being available and to respond to the truth of the moment. It is to respond to the moment in a way that creates a fragrance of love.

Presence is not about trying to change another person our trying to make things happen, it is about being available and to respond with the truth in the moment.

Presence is about how every action can arise from the quality, which we call awareness – the presence of our soul.

Presence is not really something new. Presence is simply to rediscover the inner quality, which is already present within ourselves. Presence is the capacity to be present for another person with an open heart and to be grounded in our inner being. It is to be present for another person as a supporting light, a supporting presence – and simply to be present for another person can basically help.

Presence is a double and paradoxical phenomenon. It means both to be present and to be absent. It means to be present with our inner being and to be absent from our idea of a separate “I”.

Presence means to come in contact with a deeper quality within ourselves. Presence is like a flowing inner river, an inner source of energy, which gives vision, joy, inspiration, direction and creative impulses. Presence is our essence.

We all have this place deep inside ourselves, but it is often covered with personality aspects, unconscious attitudes and experiences from the past.

Working with people from love and awareness means to develop the capacity to respond to the inner being of another person, to his essence and authentic self.

Presence means to respond to another person in a way that makes his inner being deepen and expand. It is about developing a presence so that our presence and intuition becomes a source of healing in the contact with another person.

Presence is the inner being, the inner “yes”-quality, the meditative quality within, the inner silence and emptiness. Presence is to meet another person in meditation. Presence is to invite another person in meditation. It is a meeting in meditation. It is a meeting in love, joy, acceptance, sincerity, understanding, silence and oneness. It is a friendship, cooperation and an investigation after truth. And when the truth is discovered, it is larger than the two people, who are investigating it – and both people are enriched by this investigation.

Working with people from presence and awareness means to meet a person beyond the personality. It is to meet the being of another person. It is to meet the soul of another person.

Neuroses and psychiatric problems basically has its roots in a feeling of not being love, of not being part of the Whole. People with psychiatric problems have lost their contact with their own roots. They have lost contact with the inner being, with their inner centre. They have lost contact with their own inner source of love, truth and wholeness.

In reality, we are really one with the other person. We are not separated from the other person. Through giving love to the other person, we are really giving love to ourselves. When we give love to another person, we are really giving love to the Whole.

When two beings meet, a presence, a love, an acceptance, a silence, a meditation and a meeting beyond separation occurs. There arises a sense of perfection, a feeling of coming home.

I think that I have always had the ability to turn my attention within myself and to go into the inner presence, to go into the inner silence and emptiness, when I have needed it. In this inner silence, I can let go of all frustration, fear, anger and sorrow.

The spiritual dimension in therapeutic work basically works, because we are all one. Working with people from awareness is basically about working out of that which is already perfect within a person. Working with people from awareness is basically about seeing what develops and expands the inner being of a person. It is about bringing forth into the light of awareness the unconscious psychological patterns that prevents a person from being in contact with his own authentic being. It is about seeing what prevents a person from being nourished from his inner source of love, joy, acceptance, truth, silence, wisdom and wholeness. It is about seeing what expands the total being of a person both in relation to himself, in relation to other people, in relation to creativity and in relation to the Whole to be able to take further steps in his spiritual growth.

Working with people from awareness means to develop and expand that which is already perfect within a person. It is about seeing what expand the inner being of a person and to see where the development potential is in the life of the person for example in meditation and inner growth, in relationships or in creativity. It is about seeing what creates difficulties in a person’s inner growth, in his relationships with other people or in his work and creativity.

Presence is about finding our own unique way of being and working with people. It is about working from the authentic inner being, from the meditative quality within ourselves, from the inner source of love and truth. It is about discovering what we really want to share with other people. It is about discovering that which makes our heart dance with joy to share with people. It is about discovering that which really touches us and awakes a deep feeling of joy and meaning to share with other people.

When we are authentic, when we act from presence and awareness, it also gives nourishment to the inner being of the people around us.

Life does not come with a manual. The challenge of life is to learn to trust life. In courses, I create a situation where course participants can discover their own inner being and to learn to listen to their own heart, to trust their own intuition, joy, intelligence, inner light and understanding. The courses are a situation to learn to live their own truth.

Working with people from awareness is based on the understanding that our advice is only authentic when it comes from our own insight, understanding and experience.

Sometimes my course participants have complained that I do not give them specific advice about what to do or not to, but giving advice is easy. And it takes away the person’s own responsibility to listen to his own inner source of love, truth and wisdom, which already know the right answer. This may also be an answer that I do not see.

The atmosphere and climate of a group of people can either be a “yes”- or “no”-climate. The atmosphere in a group of people can either be uninspiring, dull and boring when the people of the group says “no” to listening to their own truth and do not chose activities that are nourishing for their souls. The atmosphere of a group of people is loving, creative, exciting and inspiring when the people of the group says “yes”, listens to their own truth and chooses activities that are nourishing for their souls and have a high level of joy and satisfaction.

In my own life, I took a conscious decision many years ago that I wanted quality in my life. It was a conscious decision that I wanted people around me that are prepared to say “yes” and to take responsibility for themselves - and who do not just take energy by saying

 “no”, not taking responsibility for themselves and resist being present in different ways.

Truth is a quality in the moment. It arises when we have trust to what happens and when we are in contact with what Existence wants us to do. This quality makes the moment shine with an inner joy and satisfaction. It gives a deep inner satisfaction, which radiates on the outside as love like pebbles creates waves on water.

When we say “yes” to the truth of the moment, our whole being expands.

Presence is about daring to stay in a quality of “not knowing”. Presence is about resting in the silence and emptiness within without knowing what the next step will be. Presence is about daring to rest in the emptiness within, which has no past or future, and where authentic impulses arise in the moment.

In the therapeutic process based on love and awareness, there exists no “I” – just a presence, a love and a truth in the moment.

It is to live in trust and appreciation for what life chooses to offer. It is to float with the river of life; it is to rest on the river.

The depth in healing- and therapeutic work comes basically from the capacity to allow things to be as they are, without any wish that they should be different than they are and without any will to change them. This means for the therapist to develop an accepting attitude, a trust and a compassion, for how life develops moment to moment.

To work from our inner being is to meet another person in love, joy, meditation and silence without any barrier in-between.

When the therapist can rest in himself, without intention, without ambition, without trying and without fighting, then every new opportunity to meet a client becomes a source of joy.

It becomes a joy to work with people on a spiritual plane, to act for that which is larger than ourselves. 

Presence – Exercises

1. To develop presence – to go through the body with attention

This is an exercise, which focus on developing our presence by going trough the body with inner attention. Begin this exercise by sitting or lying down, close your eyes and turn your attention within yourself. Then begin to go through your whole body with your inner attention. You will probably experience different qualities, depth and availability in different areas of the body, but just be aware of these differences without trying to change them:

-         feet

-         legs

-         knees

-         hips

-         stomach

-         breast

-         back

-         shoulders

-         arms

-         hands

-         neck

-         head

-         top of the head

2. What does it mean to be present?

An exercise that you can do alone or together with a partner is to discuss what is means to be present for yourself and for another person. If you do this exercise for yourself, you can write 1 page about this question.

3. Inner Presence – thoughts, feelings and body

Begin this exercise by sitting comfortably, close your eyes, and allow yourself to sink into yourself. Tune in with a feeling of presence, with an inner space, which can include and embrace everything that happens inside yourself right now. Let this inner presence contain an accepting attitude that everything that happens within yourself right now is perfect exactly as it is. Let this presence be a soft inner space to be conscious about and to watch what happens inside right now without any desire to change what is happening within and without any wish that it should be different that it is.

When you have found this inner presence, then first go with your attention to the thoughts and watch what is happening in the thoughts without any judgement or evaluation. Let the thoughts be like clouds that comes and go on the sky of consciousness without any wish to stop them or prevent the clouds from coming and going.

Then go with your attention to the feelings and be aware about and watch what is happening in the feelings right now.

Finally go with your attention to the physical body and be aware how the body is feeling right now and what physical sensations you can experience without any wish to change these sensations.

4. Presence – The Inner Source of Love, Truth and Wholeness

An exercise that you can do for yourself or together with a partner is to explore what stands in the way of being in contact with your inner source of love and truth. If you do this exercise for yourself you can write one page about this question

5. That which is already perfect within

This meditation aims on developing our presence, the inner “yes”-quality, the meditative quality within. Begin this meditation by sitting comfortably, close your eyes, and watch everything that happens inside yourself in the thoughts, the feelings and the physical sensations with an accepting attitude that everything that happens within right now is perfect exactly as it is. This accepting attitude develops the inner being and creates a larger space and a freedom within ourselves.

6. Paint a picture of your experience of presence

This meditation aims on painting a picture in colour and form of your experience of presence. This picture can either be a naturalistic or abstract picture. You can either do this meditation alone or together with a partner. If you do this meditation together with a partner, then take some time to discuss your picture with your partner.

7. To listen from the heart and the intellect

This exercise together with a partner aims on exploring the difference between listening from the heart and the intellect. Begin this exercise by sitting opposite of your partner, and then your partner begins to talk on a subject for example “My relationships” or “A Christmas”. You first begin to listen to your partner only from the intellect and then slowly change to listening from the heart.

Then share with your partner how you experienced the difference between listening from the heart and the intellect and how your partner experienced the difference between talking to a partner that first only listens from the intellect and then from the heart.

Then change over so that the partner who listened is now talking.

8. Meeting a person in meditation

This exercise with a partner aims at meeting another person in meditation. This exercise is about learning to meet another person from heart-to-heart, from acceptance to acceptance, and from being-to-being, from silence to silence without any barrier.

This is an exercise in two steps, where you sit opposite of your partner. Begin this exercise by turning your attention within yourself and come in contact with your own heart. Then allow your heart to reach out and meet the heart of your partner and create a meeting from heart-to-heart. Invite your partner into the silence and emptiness of your heart. Imagine first that you breathe into your heart when you breathe in. And then for every time you breathe out, you allow your heart to relax and let the silence and emptiness of your heart to deepen and expand.

Then continue to the inner being in the area of the stomach and come in contact with the inner being. When you are grounded in your inner being, then create a contact with the inner being of your partner and create a contact from being-to-being. For every out-breath, allow the silence and emptiness of your inner being to expand. Invite your partner into the silence and emptiness of your inner being. This creates a meeting in love and meditation without any barrier.

9. Presence – To be One with the Situation

Take as an exercise in different situations in life to go back to yourself and come in contact with your heart and being. Without reaching outside of yourself, then allow your inner being to expand and become one with the other people in the situation. It is like opening an inner door in your being to become one with the people in the situation.

10.  This Precious Moment – Entering the Moment

Life is really very simple. In each moment we have the possibility to say “yes” or “no” to being in contact with our inner being, with our authentic self, to the inner source to the here and now.

Take as a meditation to separate every little precious and unique moment and come back to the living reality in the moment. You will probably forget the moment many times during this meditation and disappear into the memories of the past and the dreams and fantasies of the future. When you discover that you have forgot the moment, simply accept it and gently go back to the moment again. There are many times that I have suddenly discovered that I have lost the moment, but it is always a joy to come back to the living reality of the moment again. It fills my whole being with a new joy, spontaneity and freshness, which makes the moment dance.

11. To be in the fire – To continuously choose the New and the Unknown

Meditation is a commitment to the unknown. To be in the fire means to continuously chose the new and the unknown. It is to continuously risk the known for the unknown. To be in the fire means to consciously follow the inner “yes”-quality, to follow what increases your joy and inner satisfaction in your inner growth, in your relationships with other people and in your work and creativity.

Take as a meditation every day to write five things that are a risk and challenge for you. Then decide to do one of these things. It can be a new step and a risk in your inner growth, in relationships or in work and creativity. To continuously chose to be in the fire makes us develop all aspects of our inner being and helps us to find integration within ourselves.

12. The Sacred Yes

Let this meditation in three steps become a natural part of your day and your life. This is an excellent meditation to shift perspective from the personality to the inner being, to the authentic self. Go through these three steps in different situations in life:

1.    Be aware about what position your body wants in a certain situation. Be aware about what it means to say “yes” and to be available in the situation.

2.    Be aware about which people you would like to meet in the situation.

3.    Go back to yourself and ask yourself the following question: “If I would say “yes” right now, then I would…” Listen within to your heart and being and see what would make your heart dance with joy to say or do in the situation.

13. The Truth of the Moment

Take as a continuous meditation to go back to yourself and see how you feel and what happens in the thoughts, in the feelings and in the body. See what the truth of the moment is and embrace it’s expression with an accepting attitude for how the moment is. This accepting attitude makes the light of awareness spread through your whole being.

14. Vision and plan of action for life

This exercise aims on writing a vision and a plan of action for your life. It aims on exploring your vision for life. Write this plan of action with focus on what makes your heart dance with joy in the tree life areas inner growth and meditation, relationships with other people and creativity and work.

This plan of action for life does not need to be written in stone. It can change during the course of life, but is a basic exercise to become aware about what gives you joy in life.

15. Transformation Exercise

Transformation happens through presence, love, acceptance, understanding, relaxation, silence and wholeness. These are natural qualities of our heart and being.

The human heart is a healer and a transformation centre that transforms darkness to light, fear to love and separation to wholeness. The heart does not take in energy that hurts it and it does not give out energy that hurts.

A meditation that you can use every evening – or when you need it – is to sit down, close your eyes and let everything that has happened during the day to pass like a movie for your inner attention. If you find a person or a situation that you had difficulties with during the day, breathe these difficulties into your heart when you breathe in and let the heart transform them. When you breathe out again, breathe out joy, acceptance, healing, understanding, compassion and a feeling of unity in love from the heart.

16. What can I contribute to the Whole?

It is a joy to be and work with people on a spiritual plane, to work for that which is larger than ourselves. This exercise aims on discovering what you can contribute to the Whole. It is about discovering what makes your heart dance with joy when it comes to sharing your skills, talents and gifts to other people and to the Whole.